random thoughts

The kid is mobile. I'm really pleased with his progress in the last month. I never realized how complicated crawling really is, but over the last week, I've watched him go from sort of dragging himself like a seal and rolling across the floor, to a bear-crawl (on his toes and fingers, rolling in the direction he wants to go), and now to actually crawling, one knee in front of the other. He's thriving physically, has gained a little bit of weight, eats like a champion... and he has the biggest belly laugh, which first showed when he met our friends' dogs.

While he's doing well on one hand, we're worried just a little bit, that Michael has had three homes with primary caretakers in the last four months... and he's a perfect, happy baby... who hasn't connected to anybody as "permanent, primary caretaker." We know it will come with time, but it's hard that he doesn't yet distinguish his smiles for us from his smiles for others... and he's not responsive to his own name, really.

We're also relieved, but very sad and disappointed in Bio-Mom. Michael has been with us for a month, and he hasn't seen her once in that time. She has gone MIA more than once, phone disconnected, not returning calls to her social worker. I know it's tough for her, and I have great sympathy, but I'm really seriously hoping that she admits she's not capable of doing this parenting thing. If she relinquishes her parental rights, I'd be very happy to consider semi-open adoption things like providing her an annual photo album showing Michael's happy/healthy development. Still not sure about letting her have annual visits, but could negotiate that. In the meantime, I just keep wondering how she could go absent and not pursue her kid... if she's trying to do the best thing for him, I would still think she would want to do it actively, not by withdrawing and giving up.

Our families are thrilled to have Michael, and they've already decided he's staying permanently. I think he will, and I am head-over-heels in love with him, but I'm afraid to think about what could happen. My life is charmed, I admit... this will work out properly, but I'm not breathing easy until the whole thing is done.

In the meantime, I stood by his crib and stared at him while he slept for almost half an hour, before I realized I was entranced by his breathing.

routine

Okay, figuring out the system here... we have our daily routine down. This kid has to be getting ready for a growth spurt... he's eating like crazy, and he's ready to be mobile!

On a weekday, Michael is up about 7:00 am and has a bottle and some playtime. Nap is about 10 am, followed by veggies with cereal for lunch. More time to play - in the saucer and on his tummy - before an afternoon nap. Then, time with Stay-at-Home Daddy until Work-Daddy gets home from work. More playing, veggies and cereal for dinner, a nice long walk, until an 8:30 bath and 9:00 bedtime.

Weekends are slightly less predictable so far, but something close.

The challenge is when there is still company at 7:30 or 8:00 pm... hard to settle down for bed then, and those are the nights that require a 2:00 am diaper change and rocking or bottle.

Bio-Mom is MIA, not scheduling visitation and not registering for her parenting classes. Hopefully, she is distancing herself in advance of relinquishing parental rights.

open question

Last week, Michael's social worker mentioned that birth mom is considering relinquishing her parental rights, rather than struggling and waiting for the state to terminate them. Tipping the scale was the notion that she could retain some minimal contact with him... perhaps an annual photo book, at most an annual visit near his birthday.

The county doesn't do "open adoptions," per se. What do you think? It might reduce stress a great deal, and she would have no legal parental relationship...

michael's here

Michael arrived this afternoon with the social worker, and he jumped into Alan's arms.

He is a happy seven-month-old baby (though he is overstimulated and overtired tonight!) who came into our house and our hearts tonight. He has been in foster care for the last two months. He is healthy, and weighs in at seventeen pounds.

Michael has had a few visitors already (people who "just couldn't wait"), and is working on getting himself used to his new home. He's trying to sit up, and he's rolling over... and over... so, we're pretty sure he'll be mobile soon.

By the weekend, hopefully he will be ready to play. Tomorrow, we anticipate he may be a bit grumpy (if he doesn't sleep well tonight)... and Thursday he gets a new round of shots (and he may have a field trip to my office).

We know that you're all anxious to meet our boy... and to welcome him into your lives. We can't wait to share him with you!

Some good news from the Social Worker... looks like birth mom may be willing to give up her parental rights voluntarily, rather than waiting for them to be terminated by the county. That would make Michael's first year with us much more relaxing.

Love,
Peter & Alan

tonight, tonight...

We met the social workers yesterday and spent some time with Michael and his foster mother yesterday... and he is coming to our house this afternoon!

So, the tough part that we have to deal with is the reality... he is a foster child, still in the custody of Adams County. He is "ours, but not ours" during this time. There is a social worker concentrating on reunifying him with his birth mother and one working on terminating her parental rights. We are comfortable that the odds are with Michael staying with us forever, and we will treat him as if that is the case. However, we are confident that the system will come to the right conclusion.

In the meantime, yikes! Are we ready for a baby?! Here's the nursery and an introductory picture to Michael.

Standing by... Our file is finally complete, and we have a message from the adoption recruiter that she's calling at 5 to talk about a kid.

inspection and paint

We had our final home inspection today and passed... the Social Worker needs to file her final report, we have to send the cat's vaccination records to the county, and then we wait for "the call."

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the painting projects we've taken on as part of the home prep...