random thoughts

The kid is mobile. I'm really pleased with his progress in the last month. I never realized how complicated crawling really is, but over the last week, I've watched him go from sort of dragging himself like a seal and rolling across the floor, to a bear-crawl (on his toes and fingers, rolling in the direction he wants to go), and now to actually crawling, one knee in front of the other. He's thriving physically, has gained a little bit of weight, eats like a champion... and he has the biggest belly laugh, which first showed when he met our friends' dogs.

While he's doing well on one hand, we're worried just a little bit, that Michael has had three homes with primary caretakers in the last four months... and he's a perfect, happy baby... who hasn't connected to anybody as "permanent, primary caretaker." We know it will come with time, but it's hard that he doesn't yet distinguish his smiles for us from his smiles for others... and he's not responsive to his own name, really.

We're also relieved, but very sad and disappointed in Bio-Mom. Michael has been with us for a month, and he hasn't seen her once in that time. She has gone MIA more than once, phone disconnected, not returning calls to her social worker. I know it's tough for her, and I have great sympathy, but I'm really seriously hoping that she admits she's not capable of doing this parenting thing. If she relinquishes her parental rights, I'd be very happy to consider semi-open adoption things like providing her an annual photo album showing Michael's happy/healthy development. Still not sure about letting her have annual visits, but could negotiate that. In the meantime, I just keep wondering how she could go absent and not pursue her kid... if she's trying to do the best thing for him, I would still think she would want to do it actively, not by withdrawing and giving up.

Our families are thrilled to have Michael, and they've already decided he's staying permanently. I think he will, and I am head-over-heels in love with him, but I'm afraid to think about what could happen. My life is charmed, I admit... this will work out properly, but I'm not breathing easy until the whole thing is done.

In the meantime, I stood by his crib and stared at him while he slept for almost half an hour, before I realized I was entranced by his breathing.

routine

Okay, figuring out the system here... we have our daily routine down. This kid has to be getting ready for a growth spurt... he's eating like crazy, and he's ready to be mobile!

On a weekday, Michael is up about 7:00 am and has a bottle and some playtime. Nap is about 10 am, followed by veggies with cereal for lunch. More time to play - in the saucer and on his tummy - before an afternoon nap. Then, time with Stay-at-Home Daddy until Work-Daddy gets home from work. More playing, veggies and cereal for dinner, a nice long walk, until an 8:30 bath and 9:00 bedtime.

Weekends are slightly less predictable so far, but something close.

The challenge is when there is still company at 7:30 or 8:00 pm... hard to settle down for bed then, and those are the nights that require a 2:00 am diaper change and rocking or bottle.

Bio-Mom is MIA, not scheduling visitation and not registering for her parenting classes. Hopefully, she is distancing herself in advance of relinquishing parental rights.

open question

Last week, Michael's social worker mentioned that birth mom is considering relinquishing her parental rights, rather than struggling and waiting for the state to terminate them. Tipping the scale was the notion that she could retain some minimal contact with him... perhaps an annual photo book, at most an annual visit near his birthday.

The county doesn't do "open adoptions," per se. What do you think? It might reduce stress a great deal, and she would have no legal parental relationship...